New year, new Christmas?

Christmas? I’m either really late or ridiculously early.

It’s a new year and people up and down the country are busy making up countless resolutions about getting fitter and healthier that many people have absolutely no intention of ever keeping.

Having good mental wellbeing is just as important as looking after your physical health but many people fail to set targets in this area and if they do they are often quickly forgotten or pushed aside for the needs of others.

Christmas for many is a time of forcing yourself to do things that you don’t enjoy because it’s what’s expected of you.

Maybe you do look after your mental wellbeing all year long but throw it out the window as soon as Christmas rolls around again.

Did this Christmas fail to live up to your insta worthy expectations? If so don’t write off the whole experience and banish all thoughts of this Christmas too hastily.

Like most bad experiences in life this Christmas experience is a gift, you just need to know where to look to find the precious lessons.

This isn’t one of those positivity posts where I make you feel bad for being ungrateful and you pretend to be grateful and feel better. Nope, if this Christmas sucked then it sucked. No sugar coating here. However, all is not lost. You’ve got a ready made road map of what not to do next year.

People - Did you have your Christmas ruined by spending it with someone who makes you feel bad? If so, spend a moment thinking about who made you feel good. Make a list of people that you want to spend time with next year. Before you tell me it’s not possible because they live with the person who made you feel bad, just hear me out. First of all you need to think of Christmas as a period rather than just one day. It is impossible to cram everything into one day anyway and this is probably where most of your stress comes from. Instead plan to spend a few weekends/days off seeing your favourite people in whichever way feels most enjoyable for you. It doesn’t have to be a big extravagant Christmas themed event. It can just be a quiet cuppa round yours having a catch up.

If someone ruined your Christmas you probably feel zero guilt right now about them not making the list of people you will see next year. But what happens with the passage of time? Will your resolve be as strong in twelve months' time or will you find yourself, once again, caving and spending time with that person to keep others happy? Here’s the thing, if you aren’t truly happy then no one else can be either. If you are playing the role of a happy person whilst seething on the inside the other people will pick up on it and it will impact their enjoyment too. Doing it for the kids? Don’t kid yourself. They are hyper tuned into emotions and subliminal messages. You aren’t doing your child a favour by spending time with an adult that you do not like. All your child will learn from this situation is that you sacrifice yourself for others. Do you want them to grow up thinking that if someone makes them uncomfortable they must bury their true emotions as keeping others happy is more important than keeping themselves happy?

Money - Are you already panicking about how you are going to pay the credit card in January? It’s one day, one day. Even the most perfect presents aren’t worth getting into debt over. Whilst the pain and worry is still fresh in your mind, tell people now that next year you are going to reign things in. We all have too many things anyway and honestly, unless you are spending hundreds of pounds on each person you are giving your gift to, it is unlikely to bring that much enjoyment anyway. A box of handmade biscuits or cakes is just as appreciated as another body wash set or a pair of pyjamas. Giving a homemade edible gift has many benefits. The person doesn’t have to worry about where they will store your product as they will eat it and it’s gone. It will save them from feeling guilty when they take it to the charity shop a week after receiving it or worse cluttering up their house and impacting on their enjoyment/ability to live in and enjoy their home as it is overflowing with unwanted clutter everywhere that they feel obliged to keep. If gifts for other adults are essential (by the way they really aren't but if you aren’t ready to make waves and confront people and rock the boat) then how about setting up an online collection pot for each family member. Everyone puts a pound or two into each pot. Then the person can go and choose their own gift that they actually want/need/will use. I’d rather have one £20 present that I actually want than a hundred little £10 presents that I don’t want and have the hassle of getting rid of. This will save you all money and everyone actually gets something that they want.

As for the kids, as always they crave your time way more than your money. Yes, it’s nice to have a few things to open but what they really want is time spent together. There is nothing worse than spending loads of money on toys to watch them be broken and uncared for as your child has too many and doesn’t value them. Children get decision fatigue too. Too many toys actually degrades the quality of their play. Tidying them up seems like an insurmountable task for them and you, which means more mess in your home. No one wants to spend all day tidying up stuff. Having less is actually linked to higher levels of happiness.

Traditions- Just because you have always done something a certain way doesn’t mean you have to continue doing so. If you do something that you hate, decide now that next year you aren’t going to do that anymore. This includes all areas; food, Christmas experiences/events or a get together with certain people, secret santa. Whatever it is, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t like and don’t want to.

This is your permission to design a Christmas that you truly love by spending it in a way that makes you happy. By planning and thinking about it now, you have got a whole year to prep the people around you and put things in place to have a Christmas that you truly want. Don’t wait until next Christmas and fall into the trap of doing the same things you always have as it’s too late and everyone is expecting you to do certain things and you are worried about letting them down or ruining their Christmas.

Happy planning and remember if nothing changes then nothing will change! There is no need to live another groundhog Christmas day ever again.