Getting rid of ‘friends’

I know the title sounds brutal. And quite honestly it is.

When you are younger you are so innocent and naïve. You always look for and assume the best about everyone. You love the fact that you have a zillion friends on Facebook and feel sorry for your sad older loser siblings/relatives who only have a few friends.

Then one day you are up the creek with no paddle. It is then that you realise what a good friend is. In that moment you have absolute clarity.

And like all the sad older losers that you know you discover that you also have only a couple of friends.

The sign of a true friend isn’t about the time that you spend together. Or even the amount of times that you call or text them in a given period of time, thank goodness as my true friends know that I suck at this. The sign of a true friend is knowing with absolute certainty that if and when an emergency were to occur in the middle of the night you could call them up and without a hesitation they would spring to assist you. It’s about regardless of the amount of time that passes between meeting up you can instantly pick up on where you last left off.

I was reminded of this earlier today when I met up with a friend for lunch. It was so lovely to catch up. We don’t text as often as we should or meet up as often as we should but considering we both work and have small children to look after I think we are doing quite well. There was no tension, no worrying about if we would have enough to talk about. From the moment the lunch date was arranged all I felt was true joy and excitement about seeing a good friend who doesn’t put any conditions on our friendship or expect anything other than to pick up where we left off and have a fabulous time!

Sadly, for most people it is often at the time of having their first child that they realise what a true friend is.

Everyone is excited about you being pregnant and the imminent arrival of your small bundle of joy. You have a lavish baby shower thrown for you with millions of attendees.

Then the baby finally makes an arrival. There is a sudden rush of people beating down your door to come and see the baby. Then it all gets very quiet. The phone stops ringing, the invites dry up. After several attempts on your part you manage to persuade some of your friends to come and see you again.

It’s different. The conversation is stilted. You no longer care about the latest gossip. They have no interest in the baby and ask if it ever stops crying, feeding, pooing etc. and ask how you can bear it. They glare at the dried up baby sick on your top with disgust. As they make their excuses to leave and beat a hasty retreat you know that you aren’t seeing them again.

This is when most people feel miserable. Don’t. Count yourself lucky. You now know exactly who your real friends are. Yes there are a lot less of them than before but a true friend is worth a million fake friends.

If you have even one true friend then you are truly blessed. Seize the moment, do a double check of your ‘friends’ and get rid of anyone negative. Life is too short to waste time on people who make you feel bad or put too many conditions on a relationship.

Now I’m not suggesting that you call people up and make a point of telling them exactly what you think of them. Let’s remember that anyone who is on the surface mean and nasty actually has a lot of issues of their own that they need to resolve.

What I am suggesting is that you mentally let go of them. Once you no longer feel the pressure to make the effort and work at retaining their friendship you will instantly feel so much freer. It is a truly liberating experience.

As they aren’t your true friends anyway very quickly things will fizzle out. If you meet them out and about be civil, stop and chat and take an interest in how they are getting on and wish them well. Know that some friends were your real friend for a brief time and that it is OK to have once thought the world of them and now not to. People come in and out of your life for a reason. They all teach you something about yourself and help you to grow. Good or bad.

Carrying around bad feeling only damages you. The other person doesn’t care/know while you are left with this hatred eating away at you daily. Let it go.

Embrace the fact that you now know who your true friends are and be thankful to your ex friends for teaching you this valuable lesson. Now go and text your real friend, make their day, tell them how much you value their friendship.

#truefriends #countingblessings #appreciation #positive #friends