What if I don’t fall in love with my baby?

Some people take one look at their baby and fall madly deeply head over heels in love. Love at first sight.

For others it is a slower process.

If people don’t feel that initial rush they often worry that it will never come and feel guilty for not feeling that intense love straight away.

Personally, I didn’t instantly fall. I would describe my journey to love as a slow meander. There was a very small flame that grew very slowly day by day until it erupted into a roaring furnace.

After my first baby was born, I felt a need and desire to look after him and wanted him to be safe but I definitely didn’t love him as much as I loved my husband. I thought he was alright looking. I didn’t think he was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen. I remember thinking it was really amazing that I had made a small person with a heart, brain etc. I felt the kind of affection that I would for anyone else’s baby.

So I took home my little person, enjoyed cuddling him and spent a lot of time marvelling at how tiny and perfect he was.

I think it was probably about 8 days or so when that tiger instinct kicked in and I was completely taken by surprise at the strength of my love for him. I had always wanted to protect him and knew I would always put his needs first but I realised that what I was feeling now was love. All encompassing, unconditional, powerful love.

Before the birth of my second baby, my husband used to say what if we don’t love the new baby as much as our first? I reassured him that we would. He always used to say how awesome our first baby was and that the second one had a lot to live up to. Another concern was that his heart was so full of this intense crazy love for the first child that there wouldn’t be any room to love another child.

This was when I told my husband about the new love that your heart makes for the next child. Just like how it had made new love for the first child it would make extra love for the second child without stealing any from the first child.

When my second baby was born I once again had a desire to look after her and meet all of her needs but once again I didn't experience love at first sight. Looking at her I didn’t feel anything near what I did for my then toddler. All I wanted to do was get home as quick as possible so I could give him a proper bear hug squeeze. I had promised him in the last few weeks of my pregnancy that once his sister was out of my tummy he would be able to get in nice and close again and have a proper squeeze like we used to before my beech ball belly got in the way.

I fell in love with my second quicker than I did my first. She still grew on me slowly but I would say it was about 5 days, maybe a week when I knew I was madly, deeply in intense love with my new baby.

Having spoken to people who have 3 or more children I am told that for each additional child you have, new extra love is made. Even though you are sure there is no extra room in your heart to love a new person as intensely as you do the ones you already have, magically new love is grown.

Does it make you a bad parent if you aren’t instantly in love with your child? No, of course not. Like all things in life some people just take a bit of extra time to get there. And when you do the power and intensity will blow you away.

#fallinginglovewithbaby #love #newlove