Having a 2 year age gap between children.

I think my son was a few hours old when the first person told me that it was best to have the next one as soon as possible. Seriously, my hands are a little full at the moment and having another one isn’t top of my to-do list at present. Let’s wait and see if I can keep this one alive first before we start jumping the gun and planning the next one.

Random people would stop me around supermarkets and say that they have a 2 year age gap and if I was going to have any more I needed to start thinking about the next one and try for a 2 year age gap. Family, friends, colleagues, everyone I knew recommended a 2 year age gap. Everyone that is, except for my mother and my friend (the one who also banned conversations about poo.) Clearly, very wise.

So having been continually drip fed that a 2 year age gap was the magical number my husband and I decided to try for a 2 year age gap. Our daughter was born 17 days before my son’s second birthday.

I first started to think that all of these people had misled me with this ‘sacred’ 2 year age gap whilst pregnant.

During my first pregnancy, I would come home from work exhausted and pass out on the sofa all evening, only moving when I wanted to. Second time around, I would come home exhausted from work and immediately be inundated with demands from a pint sized dictator who threatened to have a meltdown if his wishes weren’t granted immediately. Needless to say coming home and lying on the sofa was not an option this time around.

During my first pregnancy if I was sick or feeling nauseous I could please myself with the level of activity that I wished to pursue. You’ve guessed it already haven’t you? No chance of that happening during the second pregnancy. I can vividly remember sitting in a pepper pig play house feeling waves of nausea rising through my body whilst drinking endless cups of imaginary tea and ‘eating’ plastic foods.

OK, so maybe they failed to inform me that being pregnant whilst having a one year old to look after would be challenging but once the baby arrived it must all get easier right? Wrong! My son really did love his new sister right from day one but man is it hard to try to meet both children’s needs at once. The baby constantly needed feeding always right in the middle of a really fun game and therefore the game would have to end. It would be time for an appointment for the older one and the baby would want a feed and would have to wait. The level of guilt I felt constantly was huge. I wasn’t meeting anyone’s needs adequately and bottom of the list was always me.

The biggest problem with a 2 year age gap for me was the fact that I literally had no sleep. The first time around I had the luxury of sleeping when the baby did. Even though I had spent the majority of the night feeding I knew that at about 7 O’clock in the morning he would go for a long sleep and so would I. However, the second time around I would be up all night feeding and when the baby finally went down for a long sleep a hungry toddler would be bouncing on my bed asking what we were going to do that day.

I am pleased to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still waiting for the amazing benefits that everyone promised would come with a 2 year age gap but thankfully things have improved. Quite quickly we got into a nice routine where the baby’s afternoon nap would coincide with my toddler’s nap and obviously my nap. Once this happened, things went from strength to strength and once we were all sleeping through the night, life was good. By my daughter’s first birthday I felt like I was in control again and was finally not only meeting everyone’s needs but excelling in this area.

My husband who was adamant that we needed to have 3 children has now decided that we are finished, much to my relief. We love our children more than anything in the world but have to admit that having children and more importantly having a 2 year age gap, for the first year anyway, was the hardest year of our lives and one that we wouldn’t want to repeat. Coupled with the fact that we are nearly out of the baby phase and all of the nappies and sleepless nights that go hand in hand with that, we wouldn’t want to go back to the beginning and start again. Instead we are now in a phase where we all enjoy spending time with each other and are able to enjoy all of the wonderful memories we are currently creating and look forward to the next stages and all of the happiness and fun that they will bring.

In conclusion I will not be recommending to anyone that they have a ‘2 year age gap as it is the best thing ever’. However, in a few years’ time if I finally understand why everyone thought a 2 year age gap was the magic number I will recommend it to others but will include the warning that the first year after the baby is born is ridiculously and unimaginably hard.

#baby #secondbaby #agegap