The power of music

Music is so transformative. Recently I was feeling really bleurgh. Although lockdown is starting to ease, with the weather being an eternal winter I am not feeling particularly inclined to rush outside to see everyone. If I’m honest I’d rather huddle indoors until either the sun comes out or people are allowed to mingle inside again.

I have been desperate to get back to normality, at least in regards to meeting people again anyway, and these feelings of not wanting to meet up with people were really confusing. Was I now a hermit? Had all of this time on my own changed my behaviour towards socialising?

To be honest I found these thoughts and feelings a little over whelming. Maybe this was how my life was going to be from now on.

My kids were driving me up the wall and as I cast an eye around my kitchen I was met with a sea of destruction. Sorting out my kitchen was the quickest and easier fix so I decided to put on some music to drown out the kid’s argument floating in from the other room and start there.

I put on Alanis Morissette, Pink and then Avril Lavigne and rocked out in my kitchen singing at the top of my lungs whilst loading the dishwasher and removing all of the random toys from the worktops and floor.

Then #YouTube auto play took over my musical destiny, selecting songs that were from a similar era. As it continued to roll through the songs they were becoming more and more recent, time wise.

Suddenly, a song that I used to dance to with my first baby came on. At break neck speed my little boy charged into the kitchen with a huge smile on his face and leapt into my arms like he was still a tiny little tot. ‘Come on Mummy!’ He yelled above the music whilst fist pumping the air, belting out the chorus.

In an instant I was transported back to the early days of parenthood dancing with him in the kitchen marvelling at the tiny human that I had created, being grateful for the big gummy smiles instead of the tears.

As we danced I felt all of the tension leave my body and be replaced with feelings of gratefulness, happiness and inner peace. I knew in that instance that everything was going to be ok.

This has been a tough year and an emotional rollercoaster. It isn’t a year that I would like to repeat yet there have been lessons I have learnt that I am grateful for.

Being an introvert I naturally like to spend some time on my own. Although I really do like seeing people, lots of people or too much time with people always leaves me feeling slightly drained and the need to retreat and be alone to recharge.

Under normal circumstances I like to spread out social engagements ensuring that I don’t feel too overwhelmed by seeing lots of people at once. However, as we have all been apart for so long of course everyone is suggesting meeting up all at once.

As I continued to dance I reminded myself that I am allowed to gradually reintegrate myself back into social situations. Just because the government is saying you are allowed to do things again doesn’t mean that you HAVE to and certainly not all at once. I am allowed to go at my own pace and the people I know and love will respect my desire to see them when I am ready to do so.

Any time that you are feeling a bit bleurgh and have that nagging feeling that something isn’t right it is because you are forcing yourself to do things that aren’t right for you. When you notice this rather than continuing to ignore those feelings and plough on you need to instead think about why you are feeling like that. What is it that you are forcing yourself to do that you know isn’t right for you?

This is true in all instances but especially when pregnant. There are lots of decisions to make, sometimes you do not even realise you are making a decision especially if you do not know that there are other options to consider. You are the only person that knows what the right thing to do for you and your baby is. It may look different from what other people are doing and that is ok. Hopefully they are doing what is right for them and not just blinding following what they think they should be doing.

You have all of the answers inside of you. You just have to take the time to listen to what it is that you are trying to tell yourself! #kitchenrave #baby #pregnant #birth #trustyourself #youknowbest #birthoptions #powerofmusic #kids #feelings